The ups and downs....

I have my days when I feel really strong and know I will beat this. Then there are the days when I feel like this is never going to end.  I’m already sick of going to the radiation treatments. It’s hard to go in there every day. I try to look around at all the other people in the waiting room and tell myself “it could be worse.” I’m fortunate that, for the most part, I’m still “healthy.” From the look of me, I don’t think I really even look sick. It’s been nice that the nausea has gone away, and the meds the doctors gave me work great. The down side is that there is nothing they can do about the fatigue. The only way I have been able to explain the way it makes me feel is by comparing it to the way you feel after being out in the sun all day. But for me, I get that feeling after just five minutes of treatment. I’m still having a lot of pain; and from the look of this thing, it looks like it is getting bigger. I sure hope this radiation starts working and we can see a change in this tumor soon.

 I did find out the other day how important it is to take care of the markings on my back. Over the long weekend I was outside cooking on the grill. It was hot, and I got sweaty. That night in my sleep 3 of them came off. At the next treatment I was on the table for about 45 minutes as the technicians took x-rays and pictures to get all my markers back on. They had me laying there so long that my shoulder started hurting, and I had to get them to let me take a break. They were very nice about it and worked as fast as they could do get everything done. I saw the radiation oncologist Wednesday; and he said everything was looking good; no skin rash or any problems so far. I only see him once a week. He just looks at the mass to make sure the skin looks good, asks if I have any questions, and then lets me go.

I went back to the Cancer Institute today to meet with my cancer doctor. We really didn’t do anything. He took a look at my mass, and we talked about how we were going to keep surgery as a “last resort” option. He said it is so hard to treat this kind of tumor and that he wants to wait and see where there radiation gets us. So now the next appointment isn’t for two more months. We are going to wait until all the radiation treatments are done and inflammation from the radiation has subsided so that we can do a new MRI to see if the size of this thing has changed. I did find out from the doctor today that the reason it is looking bigger right now is from the inflammation from the radiation. I’m really not sure what we will do after the MRI. I guess I’ll just have to wait and cross that bridge when we get there. Christy told me this morning that this is just a “bump in the road.”

I met a girl online that has been dealing with the same cancer as I am dealing with. She has been dealing with hers for 9 years. She said something to me that has stuck with me and I have been trying to live by it. She said “Tough times don’t last - tough people do.” So I am trying to stay tough……